mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
