PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
