How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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