is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going