I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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