He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
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Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day