I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza