There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
