I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
