Welp...herpes.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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