Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
