i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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