my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize