i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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