Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she woke up with a sticky ear
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
