I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
