I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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