I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
