So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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