I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
