My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
