just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
