I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
