Need sex. Gaining weight.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
