So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
