And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
