Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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