You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
