my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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