This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
