It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
