The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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