You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
