So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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