we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
