Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
