Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
