If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
