Cold hands, warm shart.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
