Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
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You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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