So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she looked like the before picture.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
