Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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