I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
