How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
