Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
