the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
