Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
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Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
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Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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