ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
