I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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