i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
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Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
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Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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