Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How does it feel to date your dad?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
