I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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