i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
