i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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