so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
