Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
