Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
