just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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