come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
