the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
