he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
