beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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