I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
