Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
