508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
