ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
