That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sext me about skeletons
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
