The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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