I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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